The worse is we also wait to show our best self. We wait for Ramadhan to give zakat, wait for Ied Fitri to ask for forgiveness, mind our manners only when there are people we want to impress. We wait for birthdays to say how special someone is, to give presents, to treat people. We wait and wait and wait.
I was happy, positive and having great expectation in my future when the radiologist told me the mammogram of my remaining breast was suspicious and I needed to get a stereotactic biopsy during my 3 month follow up visit after radiation. Tears dropped in my eyes, my heart was broken. I just didn't understand why. I have been doing my best to be healthy. I start exercising, eat healthy, cook carefully, sleep better, relax more. I have been doing everything in my control to stay away from cancer. I just didn't get it. I was upset, the plan my husband and I have designed for our future is in jeopardy. We don't know how to handle our life if the biopsy is positive. Just when we are ready to move on.
Later that day after hardly swallowing the news, my feeling began to calm down. My mind started recalling so many stories about other people who were also facing difficulty in life they didn't understand why that happened. A child who was diagnozed with terminal illness, a pregnant mother who was told that her baby was abnormal, a family whose one of its members was very very sick. Inspite of the bitterness I saw they were living their life gracefully, they were able to squezed the juice of whatever life they were facing. They were able to live their life inspiring others.
Tonight just after the biopsy this morning, with the preliminary result will only be available tomorrow afternoon, I start putting my hope together again. I will not let the biopsy result shatter my great expectation of what lies ahead for me. I don't want to wait for anything to get the best of my life. Whatever it is, it is the life God has given me. Let it be my present that I enjoy now.
